Friends with benefits

The Friends with Benefits Trap
From sex and benefits to feelings and expectations

What does such a relationship bring to the table? There are always pros and cons.

But the question is – To do it or not to do it? It would be good, to be honest with ourselves and ask this question before getting into anything. But usually, this never happens. Most of the time, we go with the flow, and we think, we’ll see or let’s have a good time, and we’ll figure it out or it will be alright. 

And this is how we fall into the so-called “Friends with Benefits” trap.

Such a relationship has benefits and disadvantages. There are many pros but equally as many cons. 

So what does a friend-with-benefits relationship bring to the table?



Sex is the glue that keeps a relationship with benefits. Maybe you were friends before having sex, or you became after. 

But for sure, great and regular sex is one factor that keeps the engine of this type of relationship running. 


Having great sex with your beneficial friend blocks you from keeping your options open. Maybe, in the beginning, you do, but slowly you will start limiting yourself. 

Because technically speaking, you are single and free to do whatever you want. But sex is one f the factors that build intimacy, and you start having feelings. 



You guys talk regularly. Maybe not every single day. But you are in touch and don’t just talk when you want to meet for sex. Otherwise, you would be just Fuck Buddies. 

You also share stories and discuss what you are going through with your life, whether good or bad. 


Communication will bring you closer and create a mental and even spiritual bond. In any committed relationship, it’s perfect. But the difference is that you are not in a commitment. The label is friends with benefits. And the closer you get, the worse it gets. Because when he walks out the door, he has no reason to give you any explanation. And you, as a woman, will start having expectations. 



When you meet is not all just about having a good time, and it’s a package of add-ons. You spend time together, watch a movie or have your own Netflix series, order food, talk about everything over drinks and cuddle at night.


Unfortunately (in this case), routines build habits. And sadly (in this case), habits lead to expectations. Expectations of commitment and responsibility. Just like I was saying a few lines above. 

And the next day, you are both on your separate ways. Because there is no faithfulness, remember? You are Friends with Benefits. Only. 



He is someone that you can count on. Whatever you are going through, they are part of your life and there to support and hold your hand. And even more. My previous friend with benefits did so many things for me, especially when I was in financial trouble. 

And having someone that takes care of you as a woman makes you feel so safe and secure. 


Relying on him creates the habit of running toward him whenever you need help or support or just someone to listen to you. This will also lead to (great) sex. And again, we are on the same emotional carousel that does not lead anywhere. Because you are not in a committed partnership, each has the right to do whatever they feel after that door is closed. 

We think we are free when we are engaged in such an arrangement. They are. Men. Us women, we are not. Maybe in the beginning, but we get hooked most of the time. 

That’s why Friends with benefits is nothing but a dangerous trap where emotions and feelings will eventually take the lead and bring pain. 

For men, this is the perfect relationship. Lots of benefits and plenty of freedom. 

My best advice if you are in this kind of situation:

  1. Don’t get too comfortable if you are there.
  2. Always keep your options open and try to date other more serious and reliable men.
  3. Don’t hang on to him like he is your last hope in life. 

Take this from someone who was already there; it took me three years to cure something addictive

Ultimately, what you have are just a good time and some benefits. Nothing serious. Nothing long-term.

Have you ever been in a partnership with benefits?

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