It must be pretty obvious from the subtitle that I won’t be talking about substance abuse but something heavier and deeper – human addiction – the hardest and most painful of all.
Addiction comes in different forms and shapes. What happened while writing this article is astonishing. In my initial draft, I simply started from the idea of how it must be to be addicted to another human and parallel the Psycho story.
I don’t know what happened on the way, but just writing and letting my ideas flow freely, random unexpected thoughts came into my mind because writing drags things out from the subconscious.
So while putting these thoughts into my google doc, I realized that I was twice addicted in the last 20 years, not once as I initially thought.
First time in my early 20s and later on in my late 30s. Each experience was different from the other, but both have the same common denominator – ADDICTION.
I was differently hooked when I was young, and I knew so little than when I was mature and allegedly had my s*** together.
Both situations have in common the idea of being in control – which, of course, is an illusion- fear of losing, insecurity, hope, some sort of stupid patience, and lack of self-trust.
But again, as similar as the situations were, the different the context was, not to mention the two drugs – the two men.
The first one was obviously The Psycho. The second one was one of my best friends who, with time, became my friend with benefits.
As mentioned above, when I started this article, I just wanted to talk about human addiction in general and point out some of the things that I have been through and link this to the Psycho story. But once I started writing, an avalanche of thoughts hit my brain, and I was stunned.
Psycho was a bad malicious character who wanted to crush my identity, steal my independence, and try to make me feel small and insignificant. Instead of lifting me up, he always put me down.
I stayed there because of my lack of experience, fear, and vulnerability.
Only after 6.5 years, I say NO MORE.
My friend with benefits was a good, kind person who always had the best intentions towards me. He gave me a hand when I needed it the most. He always advised me and moved mountains to ensure I was safe, healthy, and happy. He was (and still is) there for me for whatever I needed.
It’s a very long story here, and I won’t reveal much as it is not the moment (yet, at least). But what I can say is that I realized that I also said stop after 6.5 years of friendship and 2.5 years of being in this addictive situation.
All in 20 years. How interesting is life, right?
What makes these situations different is that in my 20s, I was scared to make a decision or stand for myself. Probably also because of the physical abuse. In my 30s, I was more confident, and I had the freedom to say or do whatever I wanted.
However, I stayed, inhaled, and constantly got high in both circumstances.
So what is life trying to show me here? Different men, different setups, cultures, situations, and parts of the world, almost 20 years difference time.
The first one I never want to see in my life. The second one is still my friend and always will be, and I care about him deeply.
If It’s So Wrong, Why Do We Do This?
- Fear of being alone
- Fear of not getting someone better
- Fear of saying goodbye and understanding that not everyone is meant to stay in our life
- Fear of loss
- Fear of breaking the circle and the routine we got used to
As you can see, FEAR is the main character here, and by being a victim of it all, we do it to give our power away.
Human addiction is not love. Being over-attached to someone, the fear of losing, not getting what you want, and accepting little, seeking and waiting for validation … but still staying there. This has nothing to do with love.
I am not experienced much with drugs as I never had an inclination for this, and I don’t care about getting high. I would rather have 3 glasses of wine.
But the vicious circle is pretty much the same: You taste it, and you like it. You want more. And you keep taking. And you repeat this “habit” over and over again. And when it is not available for you when you want, you get irritated, nervous, anxious. Because it’s in your blood, and you have to take your “dose.”
Damn hormones! It’s all about dopamine, oxytocin, and cortisol.
Bottom line: Having the option to say NO is always a choice but … NO! We choose to put it back in your blood. And because addiction is challenging to overcome fast, we do it again and again and again and again, and you wake up one day, and it’s already years.
You get something which it’s not the right thing, but in your mind, you think it’s better than nothing.
What Are The Steps To Get Clean From Your Human Addiction
While addicted, and usually this takes months or even years, we are in denial, and our brain tries to find ways and explanations why it is good to stay there and that everything will be alright.
However, there comes a moment when seeing no change but the same patterns we start to get tired and frustrated. If you have reached this point, check out the steps below. If you didn’t come to this point and are addicted and still think there is hope, I still invite you to read what is next. It might inspire you and help you understand that you are better than that, and you deserve much more than you are getting at the moment.
Ask yourself if you are where you want to be. And think about how long are you doing this? Is it worth it? What did it bring you? This is called awareness and awakening. But waking up is not enough as most of the time, we won’t just say, “this is it, I am done.” I was awake for a long time until I was DONE and took action.
Handwriting is a potent tool – that I will keep talking about. It will help you put your thoughts in order and understand better where you stand, what you want, and what is happening in your life. While writing, the subconscious mind will take the thoughts that you didn’t know existed to the surface. Or maybe you did, but they were so buried deep that you couldn’t make them conscious.
Make different lists such as: why am I worthy of real love, what does he bring into my life, what kind of men do I need to attract in my life, etc.
Note: Always keep it positive and say what you want and how amazing you are. Not what you don’t like or how you don’t want to be. Because this is what you will attract.
Break that vicious circle and stay away from them. I know it hurts, and I know it’s painful. You will feel alone and lost. But this whole pain is for the best. This is how I feel right now. I am not really lost, but I am sad, and I feel emptiness. I got used to his – limited – attention with him being around physically – on his own terms most of the time.
Only this way, by closing a door, injecting pain instead of their presence and those crumbs of attention, you can open a new one and let other opportunities come into your life.
Don’t be afraid of struggle. It’s temporary and solely a phase that will take you to a better place where you will receive the things you are worthy of.
Please, when these new opportunities are coming, don’t settle again for less. Make it ALL or NOTHING!
So Go, Girl, and get clean from your Human Addiction!
Can you do it?