Dating is one of the hardest things in the Universe. It’s beautiful, filled with expectations and high hopes. But bumpy, complicated, and frustrating at the same time.
Plus, we have entered a cultural and technological era that only makes things messier than they already were …
I also noticed that it’s not getting easier once you grow older and more mature. This is because ➝
- Times are changing
- Our expectations change
- Our standards go higher … at least for some of us
- We take less shit
In your 20s, you don’t have the experience, and you think everything is all unicorns and butterflies.
In your 30s, you think you know it all when you are actually still learning valuable lessons.
In your 40s, you reached maturity and established your standards, but then you wake up and realize the dating game is still … a game.
My personal problem used to be that I was struggling with the curse of being vulnerable and authentic and speaking my mind.
And many times, it turned out to be a problem while dating.
I am not talking about acting desperate and saying that all you want is a relationship and chase him, and I am totally not like that. But if a guy says that he might want a relationship and you say, yes, I am thinking about the same,” so often, it was GAME OVER.
I keep hearing and reading – being honest and authentic is the new thing in 2022. Yeah, with yourself. But not while dating because this will not help you get the relationship you want. And it has been proven to me many, many, many times.
I am against playing games, and it is a waste of time and energy. And it forces us to wear masks, and I hate it.
I agree with the chasing part and that we should keep things exciting and fun. But it looks like every man has a game. And in 2 decades of dating men from different races, colors, and religions, talking to some of my male friends, acquaintances, girlfriends, it seems like the below rules will help you play the game and … win.
RULE NO #1
NO RELATIONSHIP TALK IN THE FIRST FEW WEEKS OR MONTHS
Don’t we just want a guy to open up and say that he wants something serious and is looking for the real thing? Oh yes, we do. And if he does, let him talk. You keep your mouth shut and don’t say anything. You don’t tell him you want it to, and not even that you are thinking about it. Change the subject. Do not talk or say anything about wanting to be in a commitment. He will get scared and run away.
RULE NO 2
DON’T ACT TOO SMART NOR CONFIDENT
When I read what I’m saying, I wanna laugh and cry simultaneously. Of course, not playing too smart does not mean playing dumb.
The idea is not to have an answer to all the questions or show that you have everything figured out and you are so independent and secure. Men freak out in front of this, and they will think: if she has it all under control, what will my role be?
RULE NO #3
As hot as he is or as horny as you are, please wait for at least a couple of dates. He doesn’t wanna wait for you, it’s his problem. But most of them will chase you. I am telling you to wait because it’s wiser to get to know him a little more plus, if you sleep with him too fast, men judge. Big time.
RULE NO #4
Answering his text message right away – NO, please.
Be always available for dates or catch-ups – NO, please.
I am not saying ignore him or play extremely hard to get. These are turn-offs, and you will push him away.
But in general, focus on your work, friends, and other social activities.
If he doesn’t say anything, don’t wait for him to contact you, go with your plans, see your friends and follow your commitments. Business as usual.
RULE NO #5
BE NICE BUT … NOT THAT NICE
Men are complicated creatures. If you are too sweet, they might lose interest too fast. If you are a bitch they might run away.
Based on your character and personality, you might get to his heart if you can find the formula to mix a little bit of everything. Yeah, I know, the efforts we have to put up with … damn 😀
RULE NO #6
DON’T INITIATE MUCH
Yes, babes, I know now we have the power to do anything but let him be the man. And trust me, even when they say a woman is taking the first step is sexy, they are lying.
Later on in an established relationship, yes, you will take more initiative because commitment means hard work. But in the beginning, it is his job to conquer your heart. And men like to be the ones in charge and lead. Let them 😉
RULE NO #7
If his game is to turn you in his FB or FWB, but he is actually playing the relationship card just to either get you into bed or keep you on as a side chick, well, think about what you want.
But I would say don’t let him play you. Move on. Because I know. Most of us what we really want is a committed relationship, not someone that labels us as someone good to have fun with when his d*** is up.
Like I am saying, I don’t like to play games. But I don’t have a choice as they all do. And if I don’t, they will play me. It’s ME or HIM :))
So, buckle up and enjoy the dating ride!
What is your game?