As a millennial, I grew up in the Walt Disney culture, where every fairy tale has the typical script: most of the time, poor girl meets rich price, they fall in love, and they have to fight for each other as everyone is against them. Love conquers all, they get married, and the end.
Conclusion: they lived happily ever after
My thoughts: Yeah, right!
I don’t think there is a fairy tale – and if there is, there are not many – when they are already married for a while, and the story is around the couple working on their relationship.
In real life, many of us make the mistake of putting our efforts into finding someone, impressing with the best version of ourselves for a longer or shorter while, and once we are into something serious, we relax. Because … we got you, we are safe now, and we are tired.
I mean, sure, being in love is the best drug in the world. Who wouldn’t like to go high like this? And stay there. Forever 🙂
We need to understand that even though it is human to crave love, this is not enough to make a relationship work. If other attributes do not support it, love alone is weak and vulnerable.
Some people don’t get that, once you label the relationship or move to a more serious stage, the real hard work starts.
And please don’t give me the bullshit oh, things should develop naturally Yes, they should, but I never heard of sitting at home not doing anything, and things are just … happening … by chance. You need to move your ass and work on it—both of you.
If he is the hunter and the chaser in the beginning, now it takes two to tango. So women have a lot to come up with too.
While dating and presenting yourself as desirable and relationship material, well, this is the foundation of what can come next.
Later on, of course, things are not like in the beginning, and slowly but surely, they change and mature. There is no longer the same level of curiosity, passion, and excitement.
But these are or should be replaced with:
Everything starts with respect. If it’s lacking, a relationship has no chance of having longevity from one side or another. Respect in a relationship builds trust, safety, and wellbeing.
Communication is the key to any healthy relationship. And don’t fall into the trap of only talking about the things that bother you. Communication means clarifying challenging situations, sharing opinions on different subjects, and equally saying what makes you happy and why.
Caring about the other partner is one of the sweetest things and shows so much love. Care means your attention when they are upset and needs someone to talk to. It means always making sure the other is safe, happy, and content. Care is love.
Sometimes couple issues can be annoying and overwhelming. Being patient and understanding the situation or the other one’s challenge is the only way to make it through.
Trust is the foundation of a relationship because it makes you vulnerable and open with the other. Trusting your partner is fundamental because it means you feel safe with them and have confidence they will never hurt you.
Who says in a relationship there should not be any compromise is a dreamer with a big ego. You can’t always win, and this is not what this is about. You should just let go of some things and leave them as it is. Oh, so your partner won a battle against you, that’s fine. As long as it’s not a sensitive or an important matter.
Never kill your inner child. Even more in a relationship. Allow yourself to goof around once, make jokes, and laugh. It keeps things alive, fun, and entertaining.
Your love partner is and should be your best friend too. No matter how social you are and how large your group of friends is. He is the closest person to you that you go to sleep at night and wake up next to every morning.
All the above traits, as a whole, are what we call mature love, and these are not butterflies and crazy fast heartbeats anymore.
Imagine that you want to build a house, and all you have is the materials to embellish but not the solid pillars to sustain it.
It will collapse as there is no solid structure.
Love is the supreme feeling that makes the world go round and feel complete, fulfilled, secure, and validated. But please remember love is not enough.
When we find someone, we are so hungry for love that this is all we are looking for, and we forget about other important aspects that sustain a relationship.
Do you think love is enough to build and sustain a healthy and fulfilled relationship?