A few months ago, I was recording a podcast with one of my guests, and among many others, she told me that she would live with a man only when they are married. And that spending time together on weekends and sometimes during the week should be enough to get to know each other.
I might be a woman, but marriage can be scary for us, just as it is for men. When we are in love, we get carried away, and sometimes the desire to label the partnership is strong. But if things get rushed, the chances of failure are high, especially in our current times when there is so much temptation and superficiality.
Therefore, I would consider three super vital steps before walking to the altar.
GET TO KNOW HIS FRIENDS
And his family eventually. Not in the very first beginning. I think this time should be reserved for the two of you to start building a connection and intimacy. (not only sexual but intimacy in general).
Later you will meet his group of friends and relatives.
Regarding his friends, meeting them for me is a small test because I believe everyone who is the same gets together, so if his pals are friendly, cool, educated, and civilized people, it’s a green flag.
In Romanian, we say, “tell me who your friends are so I can tell you who you are.”
His family matters less as we inherit them by birth—nothing to be done here.
There is something about traveling that shows the real personality or character. Getting out of your hometown routine, spending long hours together being in a foreign land in an unknown territory, and discovering his new habits or preferences can change things 180 degrees. Or, equally, put their personality in a better light.
Should you avoid traveling with your new boyfriend? No way. As I said, it’s a must (a pleasurable one), and it does not have to be wrong. But it is definitely something you need to try.
Therefore, after a while of dating, think about organizing a trip to a location you both chose to visit for at least a few days.
Have fun & good luck!
MOVING IN TOGETHER
Here comes the interesting part. This is a significant and vital step that I find necessary before signing those papers.
Before living with someone, I took this as a joke because I underestimated men on this matter, and I was very wrong. The man I lived with was a very easy-going guy on all levels. Even so, we still had our tensions.
I will give you two examples:
- He had to travel when I moved in, so he didn’t know what I would bring with me besides some luggage and my cat. We didn’t discuss it either. Big mistake as it didn’t make things easier. Well, surprise, I even brought some pieces of furniture, and while he was away, I pretty much arranged the house as I wanted and as I thought I would be right. In my mind, I was planning to make sure when he came, everything was in order. Wrong move. He was not happy, and he felt overwhelmed, so that first week together was full of tension. Luckily he is a lovely guy, and he didn’t make me feel horrible, but clearly, I learned a lesson there.
- When we moved from one apartment to another, we realized we had completely different planning, organizing, and packing rhythms. It takes me two days to pack, one day to move, and two more days to unpack. The same would take him about two weeks. Again we had arguments and a big scandal 😀
And I remember after I moved in with him, some of my girlfriends who were already living with guys for a long time asked me, ” Well, what did you expect? And they shared some of their stories.
I was like, wow! I never knew it was like this as I was never interested in the subject.
Oh boy … Men have habits, especially a guy who was a bachelor for a long time and already has his routines, patterns, and house rules.
Not that single women don’t. But guys are the same. Keep this in mind, ladies 😉
Bottom line, there is no guarantee that taking all the necessary steps will lead you to have a great married life and that everything will be perfect and flawless until death does you apart.
But at least it would be wise to know what you are dealing with before taking the marriage step and have that peace of mind that you tried your best.
What would other significant steps be for you before getting married?