I always say. The more time you spend in a toxic relationship, the harder and longer the recovery period is after.
But saying no more it’s not an easy thing to do. Especially when you are hooked, addicted, or still doing your best to make things right.
From what I have seen and If I look at my case (I was there, remember?), most aggressors will not let go of the victim but will always use their manipulative ways to keep you there.
When I was with the Psycho, we had broken 2-3 times a year, and we were not talking or seeing each other at all.
But every time, either he was coming back, or I was looking after him. And because he knew how to keep me leashed, he knew I would always run back if it were not for him.
Until I said ENOUGH.
Fortunately, there are many cases like mine when there comes a moment when all this has an end. Unfortunately, the recovery period is different for everyone.
The most important is how we move on after a toxic relationship.
I feel very, very lucky that things were very easy for me. Why? Because I was FREE. And because deep down, I knew what was happening was not right at all.
Toxic relationships can manifest in different ways – talking about mental, sexual, or physical abuse.
Some take months and, like mine, years.
Both men and women get out if completely shaken. From what I have seen, men are even more affected.
How to move on with your life after getting out of a toxic relationship
TAKE SOME TIME ALONE
Many people lose their sense of identity after getting out of a toxic relationship, especially after being with such a partner for years.
To get yourself together, reconnect with your own self. Learn how to be by yourself and look for an easy way to regain your self-respect and self-worth.
GET IN TOUCH WITH YOUR FRIENDS
Many toxic relationships break friendships. It was my case, and I tried to rebuild it some years later, but it didn’t work out. And this was a lesson learned the hard way.
But no reason to panic. Even if you are in your late 30s or more, here is hope. You can always find new people and rebuild your network with a friendly attitude and going out.
LOOK LIKE A QUEEN / KING
Girl (or boy, lol), you are back on the market. You gotta put yourself out there. And even if you still need some time to recover, you wanna look good and desirable, don’t you? First of all, for your self-esteem.
Plus, who says physical appearance does not matter eats a lot of shit. Looking good builds confidence, makes you look younger, and keeps your spirits high.
If you wanna go for botox – GO
If you wanna change your hair color – GO
If you wanna lose those extra 5 – 10 kgs – GO to the gym or get a personal trainer.
If you wanna revamp your wardrobe – GO GO GO
If you wanna put hair extensions – WHAT are you waiting for?
If you wanna travel – BUY that ticket.
I am telling you this because I want to encourage you. When I was with the Psycho, I was not allowed to wear much makeup, heels just occasionally when he was ok with it (duh!!!) and in general not look too good because I would draw attention, and it would be my fault anyway.
Once I put an end to it, honey, I jumped right into my highest heels, changed my wardrobe, got green contacts, and was out swingING-IT!
Say no more!
GET YOUR CONFIDENCE BACK
After breaking up with that idiot, I was happy and full of life because I finally lived my 20s. So I never felt that I was depressed or that I needed professional help. On the contrary, I was ready to taste and try everything this beautiful world offers.
However, I know many women or men’s confidence is well shaken, and they need more time to get back in the dating scene or go out in the world.
Do what is best for you and makes you happy. However, my advice is to try therapy or relationship coaching. It helps.
THERAPY & RELATIONSHIP COACHING
There is nothing wrong with it, nothing to be ashamed of asking for help. Coaching or therapy is one of the healthiest things you will ever try.
Talking to a professional will help guide you through this transition phase. Think of it as a rebirth. From what you have been when you were breathing and living that toxicity to the beautiful, confident self that you will become.
And coaching helps and supports you a lot on this journey.
JOIN A COMMUNITY
While in a relationship, many of us forget about ourselves and our hobbies and other social activities that make us happy. Or even worse, like in my case, we are not allowed.
But now you are free. What are you waiting for? A few lines above, I said that it’s never too late to rebuild your network and find new friends. Joining a community is a good start that will make you forget and give you peace of mind. And why not excitement.
DON’T BLAME YOURSELF
Instead of putting more pressure on you and harming your soul, try to heal it.
You’re supposed to feel good once you are out of that shit. Now it’s your time to heal and shine.
Mistakes and failures are part of life. Without it, we wouldn’t learn, get to know each other more, and evolve. Move on.
Ultimately life moves on, and you have to keep going. And as soon as you feel ready, get back into the dating scene. What’s in the past is in the past, and what is worse is done.
LEARN YOUR LESSONS
I left the most important part of this diary page for the end. The most valuable piece of advice I could give.
Everything happening to us is for a reason, and it has a purpose. To teach us, guide us, make us grow, and make us learn our lessons.
I can never regret those years spent with The Psycho. And even If I do, what can I change.
Every time a relationship ended for me, whether it was long, short, long-distance, good or bad, I always took a step back and wondered what my lessons were.
And this is what I learned
- What I can tolerate and what I can’t
- What makes me happy and brings value into my life
- What do I want and need in a partner
- What were my mistakes
- How can I be better
Have you ever been in a toxic relationship?