When I was a kid, I wanted to be an adult to be free and not depend on my parents. Then I grew up, and I reached my 20s, and looking at my 30s it looked far away and “old”. In my 30s, the 40s seemed again far and “older”. Now that I am 40 when I look at 50, I think about women like J Lo, Gwen Stefani, or Salma Hayek. It doesn’t look that old anymore but getting older is a synonym for being fit, sexy, attractive, have tight skin, and be super active and successful.
So just to set the record straight – the 40s are still a whole lot of fun. But in a more mature and assumed way. If before I had some doubts and insecurities now I have much less. Just because I don’t care anymore about so many things. And what is the worst that can happen? I have nothing to lose. We are all destined to vanish sooner or later. So why not make the best out of it.
Climbing to my 40s, I realized more and more that this was a road that would end and I am not mortal. Time is not a joke but a rare commodity.
And I am gonna be honest with you. The feeling was scary and weird for about a week. But I can only deal with it and make the best out of whatever is yet to come.
I have four decades of experience to guide me, and If I can advise the younger generation, I would only say:
Take chances, try and experiment life because no matter what, you will always end up where you are supposed to be.
From taking that six months sabbatical from work to explore the world or get to spend time with you or the loved ones, standing in front of your asshole boss and making a point, to buying that ticket or going after that guy and telling him you are in love with him or admitting in front of your parents that you don’t actually wanna go to law school, but instead you would rather be a Hip Hop dancer. Or anything that would make you happy and accomplished.
The most painful feeling and question is “what IF”
As a matter of fact, even myself If I look back I haven’t taken all my chances, but overall I feel good inside because I had many moments when I said: “screw it, I will go for it,”.
And it’s ok sometimes to be a chicken too. Because fear is within us and I guess some opportunities are to be missed to let room for others to come.
For me, one of the most difficult things I had to learn to say in this life is “NO”
It took me years and years of fear and practice to say it.
Not being able to say “no” is equal to being in prison. You are caged. You are not free.
And once you have the guts to finally say it – this is rebirth. This is self-love and self-worth. This is about you. I am not saying to be selfish, but the truth is we should think more about ourselves.
A continuous “yes” is the acceptance of staying on the same path. You miss the change and many other opportunities.
Recently I just said NO to a very “beneficial” and convenient “friends with benefits” type of relationship after a long time. Why? Because as comfortable as it is, it doesn’t serve me anymore. It is not what I want, and as weak as I am, I can have the power to say goodbye.
And I said “no” not because I don’t care about him but because I deeply do. But it is just not good enough for me.
This means to say “no” and move on to something better and more meaningful.
To change something … you have to change something.
Photo Credit amy-shamblen-lJt-3NUFng4-unsplash.jpg
I started this diary page a few days before turning 40, and now I am 40. I have mixed feelings since the beginning of the year. A few months ago, I felt depressed because I didn’t feel accomplished enough. I haven’t done enough and I am not where I wanted to be or where I should be, and that I didn’t work enough to reach my goals.
Now that I actually turned 40 today, I have to admit it is a bit scary. My life is pretty safe and stable at the moment, and I have a lot of beautiful friends around me, not to mention my family, but I have that feeling “wow – time flies.”
Other women my age have been married, re-married, have kids. Some are divorced and now are going back into the dating scene. I am none of those. I am still in the category of working on my career, started this blog, and still didn’t find Mr. Right.
40 Things I’ve Shaped And Got To Learn In The Last Four Decades
- My tribe. I am more selective with who is around me and who benefits from my time, love, and energy. Toxicity has no room in my life. My people are around me because they are unique and because I am a true friend.
- Everyone’s approval. I don’t give an F if some people will approve of what I say or do. The reality is that no matter what you do or how hard you try, you will never be able to be everyones’ cup of tea.
- My choices. I am more confident about the choices I make.
- My identity. I got to learn who I am, what I want and what I like, and at the same time what I don’t.
- Let go of material things. Still working on this one, especially when it comes to my wardrobe or home stuff. But I promise I am trying :))
- Waste my time. I just don’t let anyone waste my time with any kind of useless BS.
- If I fall, I will find 1 million ways to stand back again.
- Fear. I am not that afraid anymore. I still have a dose, and we should all, as this is what makes us humans. But I am less scared, and I choose to live with faith and joy.
- I am more optimistic. Most of the time, I am in a good mood and see the full part of the glass, but I am generally also a big-mouth complainer.
- And less negative. Negative energy is equal with negative outcomes – the more negative thoughts you put out there, the less successful I will be. Therefore I choose to rewire my brain into creating more positive thoughts by setting intentions and visualizing my goals each day (ok, almost every day :P)
- I practice daily gratitude and say thank you every morning for the wonderful things I am blessed to have in my life, especially for the absolutely amazing people around me.
- I say “NO” in situations that are not beneficial for me.
- I appreciate more the present moment and what I have NOW and TODAY without looking with anxiety towards the future as this was one of my main fears of “what will happen” if XYZ.
- Implemented more discipline and structure in my daily life but less planning. I am in a better physical shape than I was 10 years ago, I work out, I eat healthily, I take my vitamins, I drink more water, I work hard every day to accomplish my goals.
- I learned how to hold my impulsivity. Not entirely as I am still on fire many times, but I control this trait of mine more because, in the end, it is better for me and for others.
- Letting go. Not every person is meant to stay in my life forever. Some people come just for the good times, some are teachers, some are just passengers, But each one has a purpose. When they leave as hard as it is with some of them, I know I have to let them go.
- Control. Of what I can’t. But instead, I can control my emotions and reactions to what is happening around me.
- What’s mine will find me. Whether it is my career or personal life. What is not for me will go away.
- Enjoy small things. Rather than constantly focusing on the bigger ones. Such as coffee in the morning, reading a book, watching the sunset, chatting with an old friend, going to the beach, or for a relaxing massage.
- Sex is better. Much better. It’s work in progress, and it takes some time to get to know what you like or what you don’t. Discovering your sexuality is a continuous process.
- Home Sweet Home. I was always a home person but loved going out too. I am the same today, but I appreciate being home and my time more than before.
- Never hanged to a loan or a credit card. Yes, I might have some minor restrictions here, but It makes me feel free.
- Stop comparing myself with others thinking they have more and they are happier. Everyone has issues no matter how happy they are on the surface.
- I am capable of taking care of a pet. It’s not rocket science, but it requires some time and dedication, and it can be very rewarding.
- I listen more and talk less. At least I am trying.
- Never lost my inner child. Goofiness is a part of me, and I believe we should all have that small thing within us and use it once in a while. Don’t let yourself grow up completely. Take time to be spontaneous and do things that seem absolutely ridiculous. (sometimes)
- Accept, embrace and celebrate change. I hate it just like you, but it is a necessary must because change is … change.
- Time flies. So I live, love, and laugh as much as I can.
- I don’t have to RSVP to every event to which I am invited. I used to do this so often because I didn’t know how to say no and wanted to please others and be liked. Not anymore
- Family is the most that matters. Its blood. As a teenager and in my early 20s, my relationship with my parents was not that great. Can’t say I hated them but didn’t like them either. With time growing up, we got much closer, rebuilt our relationship, and made peace with things that didn’t work out in the past. In the end, family and especially your two parents are the only people in this world who will give you unconditional love and be there literally no matter what.
- Fail. Get up. Move on. Success.
- Nothing is random. Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes it isn’t immediately apparent, but the reason usually becomes clear in time and with reflection. And often, it’s so incredible and breathtaking, it’ll blow you away.
- Stop putting effort into helping others when it is not asked. The offering is a noble gesture but insisting on helping when is not really required is just a waste of your energy. Not to mention it will not be appreciated. I tried to move mountains in the past when others had issues, and my help was not asked. It was just stupid because this kind of help is never valued, and you end up feeling hurt and disappointed.
- Set boundaries. Know your limits and say no if necessary. It’s ok. The world will keep moving, and you will be better.
- Get uncomfortable. Making moves and doing things that make you uncomfortable are critical to growth and building confidence. Once you prove to yourself you can do something, you move forward.
- Time is the currency you should care most about. Stop thinking about how you can accumulate more things. True wealth is measured by how free you are to spend your time.
- Not being judgemental. I used to judge everything and everyone, and this is because I was influenced by the wrong people at some point when I was younger. And then I woke up knowing that it’s so bad. Everyone is free to do whatever they want with their lives if it does not affect them.
- Treat me right, and I will do the same.
- Everyone’s Like. If you don’t like me, it’s because our personalities or values are fundamentally different. We probably have very little in common and are better off not wasting time pretending to be friends. I no longer waste time trying to win people over.
- Life is short – make the best out of it.
Would I go back to my 30s or 20s? No. Do I miss it? No. Was it good? Hell yeah!
If Aladdin shows up with his lamp, I would never make this trade. Those times were great and shaped me into the woman that I am today. But what’s done, it’s done and all I look for is for what is next.
Whether you are in your 20s, 30s, or 40s how do you feel, and what’s your take on getting older?